


One More Time

by Soulstarsinger (soulstar)



Series: Damned and Drowning [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Abandonment, Bondage, Corporal Punishment, Daddy Issues, F/M, Fainting, Mental Instability, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Pain, Painplay, Punishment, Riding Crops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-23
Updated: 2000-03-23
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:24:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1944525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulstar/pseuds/Soulstarsinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post "Lover's Walk". Spike wasn't kidding:<br/><i>"I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, and torture her until she likes me again."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Time

**Author's Note:**

> OK, I work in a pub at the weekends, and the DJ plays all the 'popular' songs including such classics as _Baby One More Time_. So I get to know the words, and then I start thinking about them... and this is where I went with this one. Somehow, it just seems bizarrely appropriate.  
>  DISCLAIMER: BtVS and all characters who sail in her belong to Joss, the WB and Fox. The song is sung by Britney Spears (oh dear), don't know who wrote it. So not mine, then.

I knew you'd come back to me. How could you not? I'm everything to you. Your princess, your goddess. You worship me, you are my Spike. My beloved, dark prince. My black knight. Until it all changed. And it was wrong, _you_ were wrong. It made princess angry. Angry with her Spike. You hurt Daddy, and the moon screamed. Then she whispered to me, said you weren't fit to be my consort. You were weak, I was strong, even though you were no longer hurt. And it was true. Your head was weak. You helped the slayer. You should have killed her. You weren't my Spike any more.

But I knew you'd come back. I sent you away, but you had to return. We belong. But you had to be punished first. You were a bad Spike. You would bring me presents, and tell me how you were sorry, and that I am your goddess. Like you did before. And one day, I would allow you to worship me again.

I'm hungry. The sun's gone down. I want to find a sweet old lady, or maybe a dear little boy, and rip his or her throat out. My tummy is grumbling. And I'm cold, so cold. This isn't how I thought it would be.

There's a song playing on the TV screen in the corner of the room. I don't like this room. I don't like this song. The girl reminds me of the nasty slayer. I want to kill her. I want to turn it off. But I can't. I turn my head to the other wall. And I see Miss Edith, sitting atop the battered chest of drawers. _She_ isn't tied up. Not any more. Spike says she's good, and I'm bad. He's so angry. And cold. I'm cold. We should be warm. Miss Edith doesn't know how to make it warm. And nor do I. Miss Edith stares at me as the girl on the TV keeps singing.

Where is my Spike now? I don't understand him.... he comes back to me, and then he leaves me as much as he can. I'm a bad girl and must be punished. Bad girls don't cry. When he came back he whispered to me, his voice like velvet in my ear. I missed his voice. He told me I would learn not to betray him. Beat me father, for I have sinned. My Daddy, my Angel, he made me do penance, and there was blood.

There's a sound, he is there, in the doorway. His eyes are like ice, so hard. He isn't my Spike, he _has_ changed. But he isn't weak, he's stronger than ever before. I didn't see. The moon laughs at me for my foolishness, while the stars sigh in sympathy for my plight. Oh perfidious moon, mocking your faithful daughter so cruelly. But she rejoices in the strong and black of heart, so my Spike is her beloved now.

He nods a greeting. So casual.

"Drusilla," he drawls, seeming to barely glance at me, but I know his eyes are searching my face, raking down my bare body. But he shows no remorse. He is relentless. Miss Edith shrinks from him. He could hurt her as well as me, and she knows she won't heal like I do. She would shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. I wonder how that would feel. Sometimes I think I'm shattered already, all the thoughts inside my head. They swirl and spin. And his eyes watch me all the time. There is so much wrongness, it suffocates me. My Spike will make it right.

He pulls me upright now, not gently, and the chains which hold me clink and clank together. He feeds me - I must be strong enough to learn my lessons. Blood drips and dribbles down my chin where I don't swallow fast enough, landing on my breasts and stomach. When I have finished, Spike sets the mug down, then bends his head, licking me clean. And all the time his eyes are watching my face. I shudder at his touch and he seems satisfied.

"Don't waste your food, Dru." he murmurs "Or I might decide you don't need any at all."

And the lessons begin.

The pain explodes behind my eyes in flashes, reds and blues crackling across the bright white. It cleanses me. I hear a terrible wailing, then there is blackness, embracing me.

I'm cold. So very cold. Am I dead, Daddy? I hear whispering.... perhaps it's an angel. My Angel? When I open my eyes I see it _is_ an angel. My alabaster angel of death. My Spike.

"Are you sorry, Dru?" he whispers. His voice sends tremors through me. I am sorry, I am, my Spike. But I do not speak. Miss Edith says it is not the time.

"Not sorry yet?" he muses. "Let's see what else I can do about that..." He draws a slim riding crop from inside of his coat, stroking it's length along the palm of his hand, tapping it up and down as her surveys me, pondering where to begin.

I can't stop myself from licking my lips in anticipation. And he sees. His icefire blue eyes lock with mine, burning me, so hot, so cold. And then they gleam with his old passion, although I stare back defiant. A small smile dances on the edge of his lips as he raises the crop. He knows I am his.

_Hit me baby one more time_

END


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